We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
