She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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