I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize