He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
