I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
