i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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