He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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