im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
