So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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