she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
