This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
3pm strippers are depressing
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize