I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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