Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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