if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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