once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize