Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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