Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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