Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
