peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
