i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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