what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
