apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
