is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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