Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
