Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
