The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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