Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
