The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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