I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
