his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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