I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
