remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
