Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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