They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
