Life is so much better after having sex.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
