..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
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