I got chris browned last night
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
