since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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