Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
