And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
kristin has been a bad kristin
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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