True but thats because hes a fetus.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
