A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
