Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
