I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
