Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You ruined the universe
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
