did you get engaged???
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
