She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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