Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
