Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize