You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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