i was born a porn star she said
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize