Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
