Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I can text with my tongue
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
