A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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