Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
