last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You did what with his pubic hair?
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