I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
