is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
