He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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