he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
