I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
