I'm jealous of your bromance
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
