and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
