I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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