pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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