Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
