So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize