nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
