She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
