My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
