U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
jump out the window naked night went bad
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
