I'm going to jail i love you
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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