Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Randomize
