i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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