her vagina looked like bernie madoff
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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