I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
