Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
