Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
