i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize