I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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