But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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